Sunday, May 06, 2007

DIARY ENTRY FROM YOUR PET


EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY:
8:00 am- Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am- A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am- A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am- Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm- Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm- Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm- Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm- Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm- Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm- Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm- Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY:
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed Hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

6 comments:

Leigh said...

I love it!! How clever Biiiiggg smiles and giggles here!

patspix said...

Hee hee hee. I remember seeing this on Judy Martin's blog and thinking how appropriate it is. As you know, I prefer the much more uncomplicated dog than the devious, sadistic evil cat. ;-)

Elaine Adair said...

So cute! And truthful.

Nadine said...

GIGGLE! I love it ! and it's so true !
I read this, somewhere :
"a dog lies on your lap because he loves you, a cat does it because it's warmer !"

Smiles !
NADINE

Judy said...

This is hilarious!!

dee said...

we don't know each other but I know that cat. That's one of the funniest things I've read in a long time...Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have no idea how much I needed a laugh today...bwwahhhhhaaha